Frugality of Humility

It began a quiet day, to say the least. The birds had all felt the frigid cold and got away from this place. I had to play some music, or I might get lost somewhere between morals and silence. I’ve been overcome, lately, with some sense of gratitude for this kind of silence – though the cold makes the silence almost deafening.

Amidst the weather, shrouded in a blanket of silent gratification came a man whose only fear is that from which he came. He greets the day with passion and pride. It’ll be this day that he awakens from the madness he’d spun himself into. Through all of his daft glory, never would he be complete until this day of silent realization. Through all of his measures, never had he, before, measured himself up right, putting away his egotistical reptilian brain. It is on this day that he finds himself.

If quiet could be measured, the silence would be an anomaly. Would he pace and prod through nonexistent dreams, or be productive enough to drown out the voices in his head which keep him from seeing what I see? It’s still very quiet in my head, awaiting his elusive words. – awaiting a testimony of love and devotion or an input of more silence for his reprieve. It matters not what the words are that are said in the end. If a thought is worth a penny, and a feeling is worth a dime – emotion is worth a dollar. Something that is prudent in his body language but my eyes see right through him.

If we can remember that time is a manmade construct, then we can understand that the only thing that governs our lives is the sun. When it spreads its arms out and reaches over from east to west it finds us, together in darkness – it carries us through another day. It is this perspective that leads us to an alternative intellectuality. We’re not intimidated by the day, because if time is a manmade construct, then an hour can be eight, by way of our cadenced heartbeats. And though we barely sleep, we are immersed in sweet blissful gratification of the daybreak. The sun acts as our savior, and we are saved from what could be – but isn’t actually haunting us.

Time seems to move more quickly during the day. Einstein probably noticed this one day, and maybe it led to a fraction of his brilliance. Too many people take for granted the words, thoughts, feelings, and emotions of a day. I call this the “Change Exchange,” and that thought is only worth a penny. Where do you put your investments and are they well taken care of? Do you trust those you invest in?

The majority of my investment is in this man, who for the sake of protecting the innocent, we will call Adam. Adam is a hard worker, a diamond in the rough for any authority figure, because Adam does what he is told. This incredible oppression as he sees it – makes it easy for him to denounce any other responsibility without a guilty conscience. You can’t tell him anything he doesn’t think he already knows, and he learns only by observation. He gives what he won’t take, and he’ll take anything he’s given – unless it comes off as charity or sympathy. But today is the day of his reckoning. Maybe he will realize that the world is his to have and to hold, and so am I. Before his motto might be ‘if there are no expectations, then there is no limit, and no room for failure,’ which has been his cradle. He will soon see the world with expediential possibilities, as I do. His imagination will no longer be something that he hides from and ignores.

What kind of demons will he cast out to achieve this perfection? On a small scale it looks like just a simple matter of emotional laziness. But the bigger picture indicates something vastly more inherent and overbearing in the way. A free spirit still chooses his or her burdens and chains. I believe he enjoys being careless and carefree. He merely needs to balance the uncanny idea that he is a kept man with the inevitability of it being the only path to true happiness. This is a road he definitely wants to walk, but will fear it until he actualizes its omnipotent possibilities, and sees it for what it is, rather than seeing it as a cage for which he is doomed to reside.

The “Cage” is not me. I “keep” no one.

All I know is I can’t run anymore. I’m not as young as I used to be, and if time is a manmade construct then I have allowed it to take me with it in years, not hours. At this hour I am contemplating the profligacy of my own humility. For where I am strong, I have been weak, where I am hard, I have been soft, and where I find my own reprieve, I’ve found a thirst for sympathy – instead of empathy. This is probably the flaw that Adam sees in me. I have, thusly, invested more in him than I have in myself. It is this brilliant attribute of loving without consequence that is my only downfall. I call it loving without consequence because it’s not completely selfless, the way I love. It is true that I find some gratification in what I give to others, and while it might be endearing, it’s not without consequence. “I don’t care what you do with me, just let me love you.”

I am happy being able to attempt to make him happy. I believe with my whole heart that one day the pieces will fall into place because that is the vision I’ve had for myself from the time I was a small child. And when I first saw him I knew, with every rudiment of my being that I wanted to love him for the rest of my life, and believe you me, I intend to.

However, on this day of my true loves reckoning, I will be silent. There is nothing in this world I fathom worthy enough for my complete devotion and it will be my sincere investment in him that sees him through.

Now, I’ve given you a whole jar of pennies. Do what you will, but invest wisely.Image