Infinities – My Upcoming Novel *Teaser*


Chapter One
When my atoms brushed up against your atoms at the time of creation, we knew then, that when we were me, I would love you eternally; And when we were both looked upon as stars, to the very first beings in the universe – who looked at us in awe and wonder, we could only look at you. You, shone so bright over a cascade of dust and debris from our collision; You, so proud, that the heat swelled within your bosom so that it created shooting beams of light; You, who first understood the measure of our speed and the gravity that cradled infinite beings below and above us.

We didn’t know we could see ourselves as separate from you then, but we know who we were then in relation to who we are now. We could not see you as separate until we saw ourselves as one.

I was a bird before I was Qhonid, I saw you again under the milky way through a canopy of lush maple leaves. You were soaring high above me, and you did not see me watching you.

As you dove into the trees, your wing caught the edge of a sharp branch; And I watched as you tumbled to the ground before I spread my wings to fly your aid. When I found you, it was too late. The essence within you again became the atmosphere. An interesting joke, that when death takes your body to slumber, your atoms defy that gravity you have come to know so well – and you live beyond all laws of physics and sound reasoning. You need a mind to have a need to understand in the first place. Before we had a mind, we only ever knew.

I lay beside you then, and your atoms covered me like a blanket; Though, I wanted nothing to save me from moving on into the void with you. To again – become my atoms so that we could be one.

And so it was. I let my heart slow to a stop and forgot to drink the wind. Worms, we ate as birds, came back again to feed as our bodies decayed; And we lingered there as long as we could, because what humans call “love,” it encapsulated us so that we only ever felt whole with you. You, who showed us the way.

Aeons passed as we circled planets, moons, stars, and asteroids. We stayed together so long that we forgot that we were one with all the rest we came to see as outside of us. They were all us, and we were all them.

Do you remember when we ran into Deneb? We were drifting through Cygnus and they recognized us from a time we could not remember. They said that we could be born as one on a planet called Yaru, You and I were so happy that we knew this was what we had been waiting for. We, being content to drift along together, only yearned to experience wonders of the universe with one another.

And so we were born as a Qhonid. We looked like a celestial Earthean horse with wings. As a bird, we saw a horse before. How beautiful and majestic were we then, both bird and horse. Qhonids do not think as we do now. They “feel” instead, and our actions were always calculated. We spoke in languages we cannot fully remember now. We could never forget the feelings, though.

We remembered fighting the Greys, who were like a plague on our planet Yaru. They inhabited and possessed us – and were even born as other Qhonids, and began taking control over us. They felt that we needed to be governed; We felt that we needed to be free, and so did the others. We fought them – even though we ever knew “fighting,” before.

We were not killed until the very end. A thousand Earthean years or more passed. In the end, we were very tired. We knew that we could not win, and the Greys would take over our planet and no Qhonid born after the time of war would ever be the same.

We lost, and many of us died trying to save others and preserve our way of life. Before we died, we visited Earth. We came as one to try and find a sanctuary from the Greys.    The humans who were here were barbaric in nature, but the landscape was beautiful. A man brought us into a cave and gave us raspberries and water. We never knew the taste of either, but the water absorbed our feelings. And when the man drank after us, he could hear us speaking in Qhonid. He was never again barbaric.

What we had not expected was that the Greys followed us there. Or rather, that one Qhonid had secreted themselves among us and joined our convoy to Earth. So many sour emotions, born of the Greys. Fear being the worst of all. It is fear they have and it is fear they use to manipulate others into joining their cause.

The Greys come from a planet in the constellation we know of today as “Reticulum.” They first attacked the Pleiades planets. Some never knew that the Greys were shapeshifters. The Greys can come to any planet and become its people. Because they exist in another dimension – just as we do, they are very hard to “kill.” Even when you kill the “body,” their atoms remember, and inhabit a new one. Over and over again, they consume planets and corrupt the true natures of the beings that inhabit it.

We Qhonids also exist in other dimensions, but many of these obtuse emotions are foreign to us and they are hard to understand and to control. Mostly, we do not see a practical use for them. But, we must bring as many souls as we can to clarity before we are overrun with corruption.

The Greys are as old as we are. We saw them too, and they did not see anyone but themselves. They were fragmented entanglements and could not find happiness in the change that happened to this universe.

They enjoy what we celestial beings call “the dream,“ or rather, they enjoy the fruits of the incarnation they possess more than they have desire to evolve and ascend. They believe in nothing and are willing to sacrifice anything to be the masters of the universe. They did not want to exist in the first place, and the only way they can be happy with existence is to create the same chaos from which they came. What’s worse is that they do it for pleasure, and sport.

You were most heartbroken by this, and when they sought to claim Earth in the galaxy of Sun – we became humans, we voluntarily kept being born as humans so that we could again fight their tyranny and domination over a feeble planet who is yet unaware of their presence. Many Qhonids volunteered for this mission, which meant that we could no longer exist as one being, you and I. We learned the languages of each generation, which were ever poisoned by the toxic Greys.

We first spoke the language of the Qhonids, and over thousands of years, they removed a great measure of the feeling from what we now call “words.” They separated the feeling and the word from one another like strands of DNA are altered in these bodies by radiation.

They used our very atoms against us. We have not had full range of understanding when it comes to Qhonid language in quite some time now. These human brains question everything, and we forget how to know.

Every lifespan, I have to search for you. I look into the eyes – searching for the atoms I once caressed in the beginning, where we understood love as the ultimate language. Now, language separates us. They have divided us to conquer us. In the beginning the word was with God, and the word was God. Now, that word is in a language that no longer carries the weight of its meaning. “The word” is not meant to be written, or spoken. It’s meant to be felt.

Generations of humans are born into this world now who do not understand. As Qhonids, our lifespan was over a thousand Earthean years. We didn’t have to be reborn to begin the fight all over again with the Greys, we simply remembered.

Here, it is a different story. Each human that is born is given an essence, or “soul.” Our atoms can choose the vessel from exploring a time that is not linear to examine the heart and mind of its vessel. You and I, we choose carefully.

Others, even volunteers from Yaru – they have forgotten their mission. The languages here have made them forget who they were in the beginning. Some, simply give up caring about why we came here, because they accept the life here as the only one worth living. They get caught up in the drama of the planet, in a state that is separate from others. They begin to only think of themselves, as the Greys do.

They believe that there is an unseen force out there who will save them from the trials they face, and in a way, they are right. We are still trying to save them. It is as if their atoms have fallen asleep and the dream that they are having is their human existence.

When we first came to this planet as humans, we could live hundreds of years. We have even forgotten how to live long, and healthy lives. We documented everything we could, but we did not fully understand the capabilities of our enemy. They lost their first planet to death and destruction brought on by their own undoing, and their atoms now drift shapelessly looking for a new home.

They believe Earth to be that new home.

We started anthropomorphising love, or “God.” We tried several different methods to try to awaken the dreamers. If the enemy had the power to manipulate the word, we had to find a way to do it as well.

This was most troublesome for us, as we had never known the nature of manipulation as any other beings. We had to become human to have a need to discern right from wrong. Humans think with such polarity!

It is natural for the human mind to question things, who someone is – inside and out, what they mean to us, where they want to go or be, when they love us, why they are here, and how it all came to be this way. Our languages on this planet have thousands of answers to very succinct questions. Those who question are those who do not know, or understand, as we do – where they stand, and where they came from. They have the freedom to believe any answer, and to accept it as factual information. They have forgotten that to know is to feel.

Every time we tried to answer, the questions were spoken so as to manipulate the audience into believing we were evil. They called us horrible names. They used the Qhonid “word” for darkness, which had never before been spoken aloud and with it, they cast us out as devils. They called us “Malinya,” which spoken in the presence of fire can turn the flame a striking shade of blood red. The feeble mind of a human can be persuaded to believe anything if shown what appears to be a miracle, to them.

A star whose name is Lesath is the leader of the Greys. He later became known as “Lucifer,” and “Satan.” He is the strongest among them, and his goal became to harvest the resources of earth in order to repair the Grey’s home planet. We tirelessly opposed their wills with threats of damnation – hoping to deter the followers into right action and hopefully – a better outcome for the longevity of Earth.

That is when the Greys knew we meant to eradicate them, or at the very least, drive them from Earth. But we are identical twins, our atoms. If we have always looked the same – and we have – then although one of us is evil, you would have a very hard time pulling the trigger on either of us. However, evil is not without, evil is within. You cannot only see, you must only know.

Lesath, in turn,  used sacred magic, and parted the seas. They rallied people together, some of us among them – as spies. We tried to again remind them that they were wonderful, powerful beings, and that once, we all knew each other as stardust. We all danced and laughed for the first time in many nights.

Until the Grey came back down from the mountain and declared we were evil, saying the people should put no other “gods” before his “God.” A brilliant idea to create God as something outside of us rather than something that comes from within! As the Grey spoke, he had lightning shoot down from the sky and thunder erupt into rain. He spoke of ten commandments that no human should ever break. Never before were they spoken, they were always known, as the Qhonids knew. Some were merely exaggerations and manipulations of inherent truths which the Greys masterfully created to scare the people into submission.

That is how the language became the weapon.

For nearly an aeon we have drifted from vessel to vessel, each time, I find you – and we, again, begin the task of parting the veil. We fear this planet, too, is lost. We have so much left to learn from our experiences here, and so little time. It will not be long before the Greys begin their tyranny over Earth as they also have on Yaru.

We have come to love being human. To be human is to be given a choice, and though we see horror stories where people make the wrong one – there, too, are such wonderful miracles filled with loving kindness. To learn the empathy, to feel as though we sense another’s pain – it’s beauty in it’s purest form. Those moments can make heroes out of any one of us.

We will hold firm to our divinity at any cost to avoid corruption.

We came here, first, as a sanctuary to escape the Greys. But it seems that no matter where we go, or what we do, we are two sides of the same coin. Good cannot defeat evil, and evil cannot defeat good. Either way, it’s a roll of the dice. As Qhonids, we did not understand gambling, or luck. We had to be human in order to understand how the Greys think. Dishonesty, jealousy, cowardice, distension, disloyalty, these were the ways of the Grey – but also, as humans, we came to understand patience, hope, gratitude, amazement, honor, and joy.

Some of us start to wonder why we are fighting. Humans always need to know the answer. What if the answer is nothing? What if the answer does not deliver to you a purpose for which to lean against? What if the answer dispels all hope in humanity, leaving us with the feeling that we are helpless and alone?

We are not alone, Xander. You are not alone.

You must not forget who you are, Xander. I remember your atoms, and I recognize your eyes as the same soul I have experienced lifetimes of tribulation with. I cannot do this without you. You were the one that understood time and gravity in the beginning. You were the one who knew this would be our fate; And only you can destroy the evil that continues to plague our world.


First Draft – Copyright 2014 *Note* I have tried to fix the formatting but it seems to not be compliant today. Will improve it,  if I can, as time goes on… Thanks for reading!


The Amazing Glitch

I’ve always had a strange affinity with technology. Computers and phones seem to respond to me on an emotional level for some reason I can’t readily explain.

I’ve also always been able to easily adapt to new technology. I’ve also always been able to take things apart and put them back together and really figure out how they work.

For this reason, I’ve also always been interested in science. The physics of things – the mechanics.

When I was a kid, I would take old VCRs apart, somehow fix them without even understanding completely – what was wrong with them in the first place.

When old video tapes or just regular old music tapes would jam, I could take them apart and fix them too.

Watches, TVs, computers, some older phones, music equipment, CD players, you name it! I could fix them all.

This is my first experience with the Droid phone. I understood how it operated quickly because it so closely resembles a computer, or an operating system.

But just like every computer I’ve ever owned, this thing seems to respond to me on an emotional level!

Let me explain. When I first got the phone, I was encouraged to use an app to get free ringtones. I also made a few of my own – using songs that I knew weren’t readily available.

This is the peculiar thing my phone does to me.

Of course, I set these ringtones to certain family members and friends accordingly. But for some reason, these ringtones have developed a mind of their own.

They change according to my mood. I’m not lying, this is real shit!

For instance, I set my brothers ringtone to a goofy ringtone that says “It’s your crazy brother calling! You better answer!”

I’m on probation, my probation officer has a ringtone that is very suitable – the dragnet theme.

Subsequently, I haven’t talked to my brother in about a year, apart from Facebook and random texts. I sent him 3 pictures today because it’s his birthday. He called me back, in response.

But instead of playing the “it’s your brother” ringtone, it played the dragnet theme. As a looming disturbance to my environment, the sign of impending doom.

My probation officers ringtone, ironically, changed to the Duck Tales theme. “Life is like a hurricane – here in DuckBerg.”

My boyfriends ringtone has changed to something else only when I’m mad – and then it changes back when the fight is over.


My smartphone has become too smart for its own good!

Has anyone else ever experienced this phenomenon or something like it?

Still, no matter how strange or ironic it may be – I have nothing but gratitude for it. It makes me chuckle whenever it changes.

Thanks Droid – for knowing me so well!

My Indigo Friend

So I’ve been meaning to blog about this for, like, the last week. Granted, my blog is still in its infancy stage, Maybe I thought I should ease you all in… …slowly.

As I said before, I’m an indigo. (My autocorrect just said ninja go, “I am a ninja go if you don’t know!”) ANYWAY, if you don’t know what “indigo” means I suggest you google it.

The most ironic an exciting thing happened to me last week. I should mention that I moved 130 miles from my hometown.

It was on the day that my mom died, or anniversary of it rather.

I made an obscure post on facebook about how my mom died last year, with the fancy web link to the Social Security Administration’s database marking her birthday and death day.

I haven’t been very popular to my old druggie friends, seeing as I don’t do drugs anymore. So, nobody ever really comments on my musings.

But my best friend from grade school was nice enough to say “hey, if you ever need anything, you can call me.”

Keep in mind we have this in common, both of our mothers having died from cancer.

I respond “thanks, but I moved south, I’ll message you my new number…”

And so I did, and immediately she messaged me back. She asked where I had moved to. I tell her Cincinnati. She says “No way, I live in Cincinnati too. Where at in Cincinnati do you live?” …. Well, you get the point right?

And you’re probably wondering why I mentioned Indigo, right?

Well, as fate would have it, she is an Indigo too! This completely fascinates me because I can remember when we were kids, how we could communicate with each other without even speaking. We would get in trouble and both tell h our parents the same story – and it was a fake story – we had both made up in our heads, but for some reason, it always matched up.

Her and I also both had a deep fascination for the unknown. The spirit world was always a point of intrigue for both of us.

We both struggled in our own ways with social stigmas. We both had to adapt to society because of how different we were.

I certainly don’t think it’s a coincidence that we both live in the same city less than 25 minutes away from each other. She grew up three doors down from me. We had an intense spiritual connection. This is no mystery.

I’m glad were talking again, Jessica. I can already see us being dear friends just as we were.

Love and Light!!!

Inactive Activism

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about joining some activist or human rights group. The whole idea seems to be a double-edged sword, sort of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation.

What I mean by that is, on one hand, you’re helping the world – aiding the world in some way, being and feeling useful, doing things for the “greater good.”

This, I find to be completely spiritually profitable.

On the other hand, by buying into the mechanism of helping, you are adding to the problem by acknowledging its existence.

If quantum physics says “thoughts are things,” then ideally, you’d want to stray away from being part of a problem’s manifestation, right?

This is an interesting paradox for me. My powers of manifestation have always been incredibly strong. I think it gets down to fear.

Fear of manifesting the problem rather than manifesting its solution.

The inevitable consequence of NOT doing something, I find, is FAR more hazardous than simply acknowledging that there is a problem in the first place.

Then there is the inevitable  predicament of what organizations are out for evil and, subsequently, what organizations are out for the greater good.

Even organizations like, say, “The ZeitGeist Movement,” seem very extreme.

But there were even scarier individuals, such as Alex Jones or David Ickes. Alex Jones is the proprietor and voice of and David Ickes is a raging lunatic that believes that reptilians are running the government.

No doubt that it’s hard to know where to instill your faith.

I mentioned in a previous post that I always wanted to join the Peace Corps when I was growing up. But even that organization has its flaws.

For now, I’m content being a vigilante for justice and liberty using tactics such as composing both, long winded, seemingly and arguably pointless blogs, and provocative, and borderline progressive music.

Love and Light!

Ground Zero

All I ever do is think. My profound thought of the day is; If I didn’t have all these eloquent words in my brain already, and have such an extensive vocabulary – would I be able to fully understand and grasp these complex spiritual concepts? Or could all of the empathy that I feel for everyone and everything be enough to generate sound reason within my mind, heart, and soul? This stems from something I read long ago about a culture that expressed themselves only with aesthetic thoughts and emotions.

Is it pretentious to think that my physical body might have some effect or some semblance of power over my spiritual body? Can someone please tell me how to alter my “vibration?” And to what chord am I tuning?

I know that I am an indigo. If you don’t know what that means I suggest you google it. This, of course, means that I have some divine mission.

When I was young I wanted to be in the Peace Corps. But ever since my rebellious nature – reflected in a series of bad choices – has lead me to live in fear and nonsensical emotion, ( I.e. feeling remorse, regret, shame, and generally feeling like I’m not good enough anymore, or that some part of me has deteriorated spiritually because of it.) I’ve had a really hard time trying to figure out what my mission is exactly.

I’m a musician. and of course, my abstract spiritual views are prevalent in my music. I must express that finding an audience for my abstract views is extremely difficult.

On the flipside, I have many one on one conversations with people where I feel like I’ve been completely influential and beneficial to the other person on a spiritual level.

If I seem pompous or self-righteous it’s because I’m meant to be. In truth, I do not see myself as better or worse than anyone else. This is only clear self assuredness because I know that I’m speaking only from my heart.

I desperately want to know others like me, who feel for the world, as I do. This is where my spirit guides led me to direct my voice. Hopefully I am well heard. Love and Light…

A Link to my YouTube: