Infinities – My Upcoming Novel *Teaser*


Chapter One
When my atoms brushed up against your atoms at the time of creation, we knew then, that when we were me, I would love you eternally; And when we were both looked upon as stars, to the very first beings in the universe – who looked at us in awe and wonder, we could only look at you. You, shone so bright over a cascade of dust and debris from our collision; You, so proud, that the heat swelled within your bosom so that it created shooting beams of light; You, who first understood the measure of our speed and the gravity that cradled infinite beings below and above us.

We didn’t know we could see ourselves as separate from you then, but we know who we were then in relation to who we are now. We could not see you as separate until we saw ourselves as one.

I was a bird before I was Qhonid, I saw you again under the milky way through a canopy of lush maple leaves. You were soaring high above me, and you did not see me watching you.

As you dove into the trees, your wing caught the edge of a sharp branch; And I watched as you tumbled to the ground before I spread my wings to fly your aid. When I found you, it was too late. The essence within you again became the atmosphere. An interesting joke, that when death takes your body to slumber, your atoms defy that gravity you have come to know so well – and you live beyond all laws of physics and sound reasoning. You need a mind to have a need to understand in the first place. Before we had a mind, we only ever knew.

I lay beside you then, and your atoms covered me like a blanket; Though, I wanted nothing to save me from moving on into the void with you. To again – become my atoms so that we could be one.

And so it was. I let my heart slow to a stop and forgot to drink the wind. Worms, we ate as birds, came back again to feed as our bodies decayed; And we lingered there as long as we could, because what humans call “love,” it encapsulated us so that we only ever felt whole with you. You, who showed us the way.

Aeons passed as we circled planets, moons, stars, and asteroids. We stayed together so long that we forgot that we were one with all the rest we came to see as outside of us. They were all us, and we were all them.

Do you remember when we ran into Deneb? We were drifting through Cygnus and they recognized us from a time we could not remember. They said that we could be born as one on a planet called Yaru, You and I were so happy that we knew this was what we had been waiting for. We, being content to drift along together, only yearned to experience wonders of the universe with one another.

And so we were born as a Qhonid. We looked like a celestial Earthean horse with wings. As a bird, we saw a horse before. How beautiful and majestic were we then, both bird and horse. Qhonids do not think as we do now. They “feel” instead, and our actions were always calculated. We spoke in languages we cannot fully remember now. We could never forget the feelings, though.

We remembered fighting the Greys, who were like a plague on our planet Yaru. They inhabited and possessed us – and were even born as other Qhonids, and began taking control over us. They felt that we needed to be governed; We felt that we needed to be free, and so did the others. We fought them – even though we ever knew “fighting,” before.

We were not killed until the very end. A thousand Earthean years or more passed. In the end, we were very tired. We knew that we could not win, and the Greys would take over our planet and no Qhonid born after the time of war would ever be the same.

We lost, and many of us died trying to save others and preserve our way of life. Before we died, we visited Earth. We came as one to try and find a sanctuary from the Greys.    The humans who were here were barbaric in nature, but the landscape was beautiful. A man brought us into a cave and gave us raspberries and water. We never knew the taste of either, but the water absorbed our feelings. And when the man drank after us, he could hear us speaking in Qhonid. He was never again barbaric.

What we had not expected was that the Greys followed us there. Or rather, that one Qhonid had secreted themselves among us and joined our convoy to Earth. So many sour emotions, born of the Greys. Fear being the worst of all. It is fear they have and it is fear they use to manipulate others into joining their cause.

The Greys come from a planet in the constellation we know of today as “Reticulum.” They first attacked the Pleiades planets. Some never knew that the Greys were shapeshifters. The Greys can come to any planet and become its people. Because they exist in another dimension – just as we do, they are very hard to “kill.” Even when you kill the “body,” their atoms remember, and inhabit a new one. Over and over again, they consume planets and corrupt the true natures of the beings that inhabit it.

We Qhonids also exist in other dimensions, but many of these obtuse emotions are foreign to us and they are hard to understand and to control. Mostly, we do not see a practical use for them. But, we must bring as many souls as we can to clarity before we are overrun with corruption.

The Greys are as old as we are. We saw them too, and they did not see anyone but themselves. They were fragmented entanglements and could not find happiness in the change that happened to this universe.

They enjoy what we celestial beings call “the dream,“ or rather, they enjoy the fruits of the incarnation they possess more than they have desire to evolve and ascend. They believe in nothing and are willing to sacrifice anything to be the masters of the universe. They did not want to exist in the first place, and the only way they can be happy with existence is to create the same chaos from which they came. What’s worse is that they do it for pleasure, and sport.

You were most heartbroken by this, and when they sought to claim Earth in the galaxy of Sun – we became humans, we voluntarily kept being born as humans so that we could again fight their tyranny and domination over a feeble planet who is yet unaware of their presence. Many Qhonids volunteered for this mission, which meant that we could no longer exist as one being, you and I. We learned the languages of each generation, which were ever poisoned by the toxic Greys.

We first spoke the language of the Qhonids, and over thousands of years, they removed a great measure of the feeling from what we now call “words.” They separated the feeling and the word from one another like strands of DNA are altered in these bodies by radiation.

They used our very atoms against us. We have not had full range of understanding when it comes to Qhonid language in quite some time now. These human brains question everything, and we forget how to know.

Every lifespan, I have to search for you. I look into the eyes – searching for the atoms I once caressed in the beginning, where we understood love as the ultimate language. Now, language separates us. They have divided us to conquer us. In the beginning the word was with God, and the word was God. Now, that word is in a language that no longer carries the weight of its meaning. “The word” is not meant to be written, or spoken. It’s meant to be felt.

Generations of humans are born into this world now who do not understand. As Qhonids, our lifespan was over a thousand Earthean years. We didn’t have to be reborn to begin the fight all over again with the Greys, we simply remembered.

Here, it is a different story. Each human that is born is given an essence, or “soul.” Our atoms can choose the vessel from exploring a time that is not linear to examine the heart and mind of its vessel. You and I, we choose carefully.

Others, even volunteers from Yaru – they have forgotten their mission. The languages here have made them forget who they were in the beginning. Some, simply give up caring about why we came here, because they accept the life here as the only one worth living. They get caught up in the drama of the planet, in a state that is separate from others. They begin to only think of themselves, as the Greys do.

They believe that there is an unseen force out there who will save them from the trials they face, and in a way, they are right. We are still trying to save them. It is as if their atoms have fallen asleep and the dream that they are having is their human existence.

When we first came to this planet as humans, we could live hundreds of years. We have even forgotten how to live long, and healthy lives. We documented everything we could, but we did not fully understand the capabilities of our enemy. They lost their first planet to death and destruction brought on by their own undoing, and their atoms now drift shapelessly looking for a new home.

They believe Earth to be that new home.

We started anthropomorphising love, or “God.” We tried several different methods to try to awaken the dreamers. If the enemy had the power to manipulate the word, we had to find a way to do it as well.

This was most troublesome for us, as we had never known the nature of manipulation as any other beings. We had to become human to have a need to discern right from wrong. Humans think with such polarity!

It is natural for the human mind to question things, who someone is – inside and out, what they mean to us, where they want to go or be, when they love us, why they are here, and how it all came to be this way. Our languages on this planet have thousands of answers to very succinct questions. Those who question are those who do not know, or understand, as we do – where they stand, and where they came from. They have the freedom to believe any answer, and to accept it as factual information. They have forgotten that to know is to feel.

Every time we tried to answer, the questions were spoken so as to manipulate the audience into believing we were evil. They called us horrible names. They used the Qhonid “word” for darkness, which had never before been spoken aloud and with it, they cast us out as devils. They called us “Malinya,” which spoken in the presence of fire can turn the flame a striking shade of blood red. The feeble mind of a human can be persuaded to believe anything if shown what appears to be a miracle, to them.

A star whose name is Lesath is the leader of the Greys. He later became known as “Lucifer,” and “Satan.” He is the strongest among them, and his goal became to harvest the resources of earth in order to repair the Grey’s home planet. We tirelessly opposed their wills with threats of damnation – hoping to deter the followers into right action and hopefully – a better outcome for the longevity of Earth.

That is when the Greys knew we meant to eradicate them, or at the very least, drive them from Earth. But we are identical twins, our atoms. If we have always looked the same – and we have – then although one of us is evil, you would have a very hard time pulling the trigger on either of us. However, evil is not without, evil is within. You cannot only see, you must only know.

Lesath, in turn,  used sacred magic, and parted the seas. They rallied people together, some of us among them – as spies. We tried to again remind them that they were wonderful, powerful beings, and that once, we all knew each other as stardust. We all danced and laughed for the first time in many nights.

Until the Grey came back down from the mountain and declared we were evil, saying the people should put no other “gods” before his “God.” A brilliant idea to create God as something outside of us rather than something that comes from within! As the Grey spoke, he had lightning shoot down from the sky and thunder erupt into rain. He spoke of ten commandments that no human should ever break. Never before were they spoken, they were always known, as the Qhonids knew. Some were merely exaggerations and manipulations of inherent truths which the Greys masterfully created to scare the people into submission.

That is how the language became the weapon.

For nearly an aeon we have drifted from vessel to vessel, each time, I find you – and we, again, begin the task of parting the veil. We fear this planet, too, is lost. We have so much left to learn from our experiences here, and so little time. It will not be long before the Greys begin their tyranny over Earth as they also have on Yaru.

We have come to love being human. To be human is to be given a choice, and though we see horror stories where people make the wrong one – there, too, are such wonderful miracles filled with loving kindness. To learn the empathy, to feel as though we sense another’s pain – it’s beauty in it’s purest form. Those moments can make heroes out of any one of us.

We will hold firm to our divinity at any cost to avoid corruption.

We came here, first, as a sanctuary to escape the Greys. But it seems that no matter where we go, or what we do, we are two sides of the same coin. Good cannot defeat evil, and evil cannot defeat good. Either way, it’s a roll of the dice. As Qhonids, we did not understand gambling, or luck. We had to be human in order to understand how the Greys think. Dishonesty, jealousy, cowardice, distension, disloyalty, these were the ways of the Grey – but also, as humans, we came to understand patience, hope, gratitude, amazement, honor, and joy.

Some of us start to wonder why we are fighting. Humans always need to know the answer. What if the answer is nothing? What if the answer does not deliver to you a purpose for which to lean against? What if the answer dispels all hope in humanity, leaving us with the feeling that we are helpless and alone?

We are not alone, Xander. You are not alone.

You must not forget who you are, Xander. I remember your atoms, and I recognize your eyes as the same soul I have experienced lifetimes of tribulation with. I cannot do this without you. You were the one that understood time and gravity in the beginning. You were the one who knew this would be our fate; And only you can destroy the evil that continues to plague our world.


First Draft – Copyright 2014 *Note* I have tried to fix the formatting but it seems to not be compliant today. Will improve it,  if I can, as time goes on… Thanks for reading!


Saucy Romance Novella? (xrated)

Her Love Knows No Bounds

He stumbled through the door, clumsy, and drunk. He really did try and be quiet, but it was no use, she had already been lying in bed, awake, and waiting. As he made his way wearily down the hallway, she flipped on the light and he squinted up at her, partially covering his sweaty face from the harsh intrusion. Her eyes penetrated him, and he knew he had some explaining to do – or so he thought.

Such wasn’t the case on this night.

He took a few more steps and stumbled straight into her arms. Her eyes softened as she helped him back up and took him into the bedroom. She knew why he wanted to escape his thoughts with drugs and alcohol, she just wished he’d find another coping method. She found her solace in him, and took care of him at his very worst. Her love knew no bounds. She knew he lied, cheated, and did things behind her back. She didn’t care. He always came home to her, brought true love with him, and that (seemingly) was enough.

On this particular night, he needed more comfort than usual. It was the anniversary of his mother’s death. So, as he drank away his emotions and sought to hide, she consoled him with an offering of flesh. Her hot breath on his neck, she kissed him softly, and smelled the alcohol coming straight from his pores. Her lips brushed his jawline and she brought his mouth down to hers in a breathy kiss. She thought she might be the one intoxicated.

He brought his hands up to cup her face and passionately pulled her closer, kissing her harder. They fell onto the bed simultaneously. As he clumsily crawled on top of her, she pulled her shirt over her head, exposing her low and full breasts beneath. He leaned down and wrapped his mouth around her nipple as he cupped the breast and tugged upward – making her cry out. She arched her back and her head tilted back, eyes flickering, taking in the pleasure.

He kissed his way back up to her lips and kissed her softly as he unbuttoned her jeans, and she wiggled them off onto the floor. She was now completely naked before him. He watched her closely, painting a drunken picture in his mind as he slowly undressed. A night he tried to forget – but now wanted to remember this sight, her raw, and wet, before him.

His adonis now in complete display, she sat up and looked up at him with “want you” eyes. Keeping steady eye contact, she took him in her mouth. After a few seconds, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the taste. Her love knows no bounds.He grabs her hair and tilts his head back in pure extacy.

It isn’t two minutes and he decides that rather than releasing in her mouth, he wants to be inside of her. Now, slightly more sober, forcing his way into conciousness, he pulls her away from him and gently pushes her on the bed as he climbs on top of her once more, this time, to enter her moist middle.

As he slides into her silken flesh, she moans and grabs onto his muscular back and pulls him deeper within her. He begins driving it into her harder, sloppy, but with definitive rhythm. Neither of them grasped the concept of time at that point, completely lost in each other and in the heat of passion. When they both found themselves in climax together, it was magical. He fell down on her in exhaustion and she curled up next to him as they both drifted away into a dream of one another.

Life Lessons: *(Part Two)*

Life Lesson #3: Give and you shall receive.

The “love that I get to experience and witness in others.”

Rarely do we come across a human being worthy of admiration, and recognition. But though these times are few and far between – they are most precious.

“We use to believe in the good ol days. We still receive in little ways – the things of kindness and unsporting brow. Forget and allow.”
– Jim Morrison

It’s my experience that if you receive any kind of charity, you must first – give it. What you get out of this life will be equal to, or greater than, what you put into it.

There is no mystery here. Though God is present – and quantum physics and science is as relevant as karma – no Divine Presence or principle need be understood to comprehend this simple concept. It’s just the natural order of things.

Too often we get distracted by what people take from us. We feel cheated. And for most – the reaction is to close yourself off – to not let anybody steal from you anymore.

This perception is false. There are two basic emotions that we feel: fear and love. When people take from you, they are not operating out of love. This does not mean that you react also in fear. You don’t let fear disrupt your good nature! React with love, and eventually it will be returned to you. Keep in mind that it’s not always from the person that you want it to be from.

Love – in all of its forms – is a miraculous thing. When we operate out of love, we grow. So, for this lesson – you need only to change your perspective.

Thank you to those who have helped me along this path. Your loving kindness will long be remembered and will be returned to you.

There will more than likely be a part 3. 🙂

Love *(11)* Affair

Alright. I know when I see this number, eleven, in any sequence. 11:11, 1:11  on the clock, licence plates, page 11 in books, song 11 on a cd, and it makes itself predominant in my life that there is something that I have to pay attention to. It is my understanding that this is how my angels or spirit guides communicate with me.

The first time I realized 11:11 wasn’t a coincidence was in early 2008. I had seen it everywhere and had made a mental note “hmm, that’s odd,” or some such. I clocked into work one saturday morning late at 11:11 and decided to make a point to see what the big deal was.

This YouTube video explains it in under 3 minutes.

Every major life event I’ve had since then came with a prerequisite of seeing the 11’s everywhere. Both good and bad things that have happened to me. Getting money, my mothers death, seeing old friends, finding some one new to influence my destiny, even my arrest before doing five months in jail I actually got arrested at 11:11am on the 11th of December, 2011.

BAH! It’s 11:11 as I write this, I’m telling you… something is happening.

Here are the signs for this “warning.”…

I’ve, of course, seen it on the clock, 11:11 and 1:11 numerous times in the last few days. Multiple texts all from the same person, to and from, in and out, at 11:11 and 1:11, also. Same person gives me the name of a band previously previewed and liked by me that I wanted to hear more of. The last track on the album is actually freaking called 11:11. And this person is a prospective love affair, and some one I just met, and some one I’d like to get to know even better.

So the question is (to my guides)… What then? What do I do with this “information?” And why then, does it seem so hard to make whatever this is come to fruition?

The thing is, he’s such a nice guy and I would hate to screw something up by acting as if I already have some semblance of the future. Because no matter what, whether we date for awhile and he introduces me to some one else that knows some one else who will, I don’t know, make me famous or something. (lol) Or, if we are somehow kindred souls connecting aflame… To me, there’s an obvious reason for his existence in my life, no matter how that unfolds. I am having a terrible time holding back, though.

I’m puzzled though because this is out of character for me. Pffhh, nevermind, doing the EXTRAORDINARY seems to be what is NORMAL for me. Beloved Creator, please let it be good…

“111 – This sign is used to indicate that your thoughts are related to the start of a new cycle in your life. What you are thinking about doing or changing is correct for the new phase of your life.”

And part of the lyrics to 11:11 by In This Moment…

“Baby, There’s not a thing I would change. My heart stayed in the flames, Baby, It’s been a beautiful tragedy. But at least I can say, at least I can say I loved.”

I have arrived.

Life Lessons *(Part One)*


So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what the bigger picture is when it comes to what this world has taught me.

**First “Bigger Picture” Lesson: Quit being so damned superficial.**

She is a very pretty 16 year old girl, running 3-5 miles a day, trying to eat healthy, trying to look good for boys because that’s the nature of the beast in society. She cares about her hair, her make-up, and even the bra she wears for the day. She is under a lot of pressure from her mother to look and act a certain way. She rebels against that, and appeals to the same tastes of a different crowd. (Don’t we all want to be “popular” within our circle? Even if our circle is the kids who wear all black and smoke pot?) She has perfect teeth, a big beautiful smile, and she loves to laugh. She is a normal American youth.

One fateful day in August, the month before her birthday – she is involved in a terrible car accident that will change the course of her life forever. She breaks her right femur over the passenger seat of the car and flies head first into the windshield. (The leg being the only thing that stopped her from being ejected from the car and killing her instantly.)

From this accident, her injuries are as follows. 1.) Punctured muscle in front side of thigh by femur. 2.) Surgical implantation of metal rod and three screws to bind femur back into proper position. 3.) Left cheek muscle severed by impact in windshield resulting in plastic surgery and limited movement in left side of face.

To add insult to injury, over the course of ten plus years of drug abuse, soda drinking, and now two pregnancies, she has under 10 teeth in functionality. This will result in complete extraction of all teeth, and dentures.

Not only has this taught me to not take myself so damned seriously, but it makes me look at others differently as well. It has taught me not to judge others by their looks but by their character. I hate to admit that at one point I was so superficial – but it’s true. It’s the way I was brought up. My mom wouldn’t even take me to our family reunion claiming that all of these people were “dirty.” So, it didn’t matter if I thought they were nice, or good, or bad, etc. The way they looked was “bad” enough that my mother didn’t want to eat their food or even be associated with them as family. (Turns out they are all very humble people and I know better than to be ashamed to call them family.)

**Second “Bigger Picture” lesson: You need nothing but LOVE to survive in this world.**

She is brought up in a middle class, semi-well-to-do family. Her parents own their own home, her father works and makes good money, her mother stays at home and runs a musical theater program for children. Every Christmas is a blowout. She gets everything she asks for. A barbie car, a bike, a trampoline, a pool – the list goes on. Birthdays are the same. She is taught to take care of these things, and that if you no longer need them it is better to sell them than to give them away. This mentality is perpetuated by her mothers feelings towards “living poor” after her parents divorce.

Instead of instilling that love is all you need, her mother decides to get herself a rich boyfriend to support her and her teenage daughter. It was over a year later before her mother finally decided to get her own apartment and truly “live poor.”

She moves out shortly after her mother gets this apartment, at age 17. She gets a settlement from aforementioned car accident and lives extravagantly for about two years. After the money is gone, she has to borrow from family to get her own apartment on government assistance and works the night shift at a grocery store.

From that apartment, and then moving into a three bedroom apartment shortly before the birth of her first child, then upgrading to a three bedroom trailer, and then a large two bedroom duplex – she obtains mountains of furniture, clothes, towels, blankets, TVs, computers, other music/electronic equipment, beds, etc, etc, etc.

But, after two extended stays in county lockup, she loses EVERYTHING. Even after cycling through five vehicles – she has not even a car to show for all the money from settlements, various jobs, and family aid. She now has barely a carload of personal items including 1.) A single plastic tub containing anything of sentimental value and anything deemed necessity. 2.) One average and one small laundry basket of clothes. 3.) One suitcase for toting shoes and bras. 4.) One walmart bag for toiletries.

So, think about that. Look around your house and consider for a moment all the things that you value the most. Imagine if all you had the ability to keep with you had to be contained in just a tub, two laundry baskets, a suitcase, and perhaps just a few small bags. This was one of the biggest hurdles for me.

You work and sweat and bleed and puke for this shit that you obtain in life. Even if that work is on an emotional/mental level. Maybe you don’t have a job, or maybe your family helped you get these things, maybe you suffered physical trauma and got a monetary settlement like I did – it makes no difference. This “stuff” you’ve acquired over the years is valuable in that everything you own contains memories. Everything you own becomes a reflection of you, and your personality. Having these things gives the impression that you have had at least a moderate amount of success in life. Not having these things gives the impression that you’ve made a series of very bad choices.

Nevertheless, I am happy and grateful for what I have. I have learned that I need nothing on that level to reflect or say anything about who I am as a human being. I am happy for the fact that this takes away the filter you would formerly look through to see “who I am.” Now, you have to look at my actions and my words. And if you don’t – well, I don’t really care for your kind anyway if you can’t see beyond the material.

The love I carry with me is my most valuable asset. I hope the love I am given is something that I can pay forward, always. The compassion and humanity I am shown on a daily basis is what I wish to reflect onto others. My life is not cluttered with inanimate objects and what-nots. It’s filled with the love and gratitude I feel for you and yours and the love and gratitude I have the privilege of witnessing in others. I love this lesson most of all.

To be continued… (Part Two in a couple of days)

My Birth Chart

I would like to point out how ridiculously relevant this is. It is accurate to the T.

Name: Andi September 26 1985 8:31 AM Time Zone is EDT Delaware, OH

Rising Sign is in 15 Degrees Libra Very attractive and popular, your charm helps you to get your own way and prevents others from getting angry with you. “Peace and harmony at all costs” is your battle cry. You always try to ameliorate or to cosmetically hide any physical ugliness or any angry feelings between people. Flashy, but not gaudy, you prefer to dress elegantly. You generally have good taste in music, art and literature. Beware of the tendency to compromise yourself in your attempt to be agreeable at all times. A bit of a social butterfly, at times you can be vain and lazy. For the most part, however, you are gracious and affectionate, and your refined and aristocratic demeanor serves as a role model to others.

Sun is in 03 Degrees Libra. Very sociable, you enjoy being with others and definitely prefer not be alone. Warm and affectionate, you go out of your way to make others like you. You despise ugliness, for you being surrounded by beauty and harmony is a necessity of life. You prefer fine clothing, an attractive home and pleasant surroundings wherever you are. Your refined tastes apply to music and to art as well. At times, you are very indecisive you waver and falter when forced to make a choice because you have the ability to see both sides of any question. The positive part of this is that you are very fair-minded and can be trusted to settle disputes. Your greatest challenge is to take any one- on-one encounter and make the most of it.

Moon is in 05 Degrees Pisces. You have strong feelings and are extremely sensitive. It would help if you had a thicker skin — you tend to react emotionally to every situation you come across. Kind, gentle and considerate of the feelings of others, you are good at taking care of the sick, wounded and helpless. But you tend to absorb the energy of others –so avoid those who are always negative. You have a rich, creative and lively imagination, but you should be careful not to spend all your time daydreaming. Very intuitive, you have good ESP and may be quite clairvoyant or psychic. Remember that you too have the right to get what you want from life. If you are always defensive and kowtowing to others, people will take advantage of you and exploit you.

Mercury is in 06 Degrees Libra. You are known for not jumping to conclusions about things. You tend to weigh all possible choices very carefully before making a decision. When in the slightest amount of doubt, you will compromise rather than ruffle any feathers. You are a true raconteur of culture and taste –your ideas and opinions are neat, elegant and refined. A born diplomat, you dislike discord so much that you will go out of your way to make others feel comfortable and at ease. You speak softly and pleasantly.

Venus is in 05 Degrees Virgo. You express your love and affection through selfless service to people or causes. You have a tendency to underestimate yourself and doubt your self-worth. This is very demeaning and should be avoided –learn to love yourself as well as you do others. Your standards of perfection are very high — you are attracted to relationships based on duty and responsibility. You are supercritical of yourself and others and, at times, prefer to be alone rather than deal with any imperfections in yourself or in those with whom you might relate.

Mars is in 10 Degrees Virgo. Very careful and systematic, you pay great attention to details. You are always seeking perfection and sometimes get bogged down searching for the ultimate when adequacy would have been sufficient. You dislike abstractions, preferring whatever is practical, useful and demonstrable. You have a strong and enduring sense of personal responsibility, and you demand that others be as responsible and upright as you are. Very critical of yourself and others, sometimes you carry this too far and become overly intolerant of others and their right to choose their own lifestyles.

Jupiter is in 07 Degrees Aquarius. Your personal growth occurs when you have the freedom to do things in new and interesting ways — this brings out your natural inventiveness. You are an individualist, but you are also attracted to mass movements that emphasize social betterment and you will devote much time and energy to their efforts. Very fair- minded and objective, you have extraordinary skills at organization and administration.

Saturn is in 24 Degrees Scorpio. You tend to release emotional energies only very reluctantly. This is partly due to your fear of what horrible calamity might occur should they be released — your emotions are terribly complicated and intense. Try not to repress these energies entirely, however, or you will succumb to negative and destructive forms of compulsive behavior. Give yourself the freedom to look awkward or silly once in a while. The relief you feel will be quite therapeutic and the embarrassment (whether it is real or imagined) will pass quickly.

Uranus is in 14 Degrees Sagittarius. You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world.

Neptune is in 00 Degrees Capricorn. You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.

Pluto is in 03 Degrees Scorpio. For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.

N. Node is in 09 Degrees Taurus. It’s not in your nature to seek out many casual acquaintances in your daily round of activities. You feel much more comfortable with a small, close-knit group of people — those with whom you can relax and work toward known and clearly defined goals. Your loyalty to a person or group, once given, is forever — you’ll expend all of your quite considerable energy in seeing that the group stays together and prospers. You choose your partners and relationships so carefully that you’re bound to gain certain advantages from them, including those of a material nature. Be careful though not to let mere self-service be your motivation in establishing your connections — make sure that there’s an even give-and-take!

Frugality of Humility

It began a quiet day, to say the least. The birds had all felt the frigid cold and got away from this place. I had to play some music, or I might get lost somewhere between morals and silence. I’ve been overcome, lately, with some sense of gratitude for this kind of silence – though the cold makes the silence almost deafening.

Amidst the weather, shrouded in a blanket of silent gratification came a man whose only fear is that from which he came. He greets the day with passion and pride. It’ll be this day that he awakens from the madness he’d spun himself into. Through all of his daft glory, never would he be complete until this day of silent realization. Through all of his measures, never had he, before, measured himself up right, putting away his egotistical reptilian brain. It is on this day that he finds himself.

If quiet could be measured, the silence would be an anomaly. Would he pace and prod through nonexistent dreams, or be productive enough to drown out the voices in his head which keep him from seeing what I see? It’s still very quiet in my head, awaiting his elusive words. – awaiting a testimony of love and devotion or an input of more silence for his reprieve. It matters not what the words are that are said in the end. If a thought is worth a penny, and a feeling is worth a dime – emotion is worth a dollar. Something that is prudent in his body language but my eyes see right through him.

If we can remember that time is a manmade construct, then we can understand that the only thing that governs our lives is the sun. When it spreads its arms out and reaches over from east to west it finds us, together in darkness – it carries us through another day. It is this perspective that leads us to an alternative intellectuality. We’re not intimidated by the day, because if time is a manmade construct, then an hour can be eight, by way of our cadenced heartbeats. And though we barely sleep, we are immersed in sweet blissful gratification of the daybreak. The sun acts as our savior, and we are saved from what could be – but isn’t actually haunting us.

Time seems to move more quickly during the day. Einstein probably noticed this one day, and maybe it led to a fraction of his brilliance. Too many people take for granted the words, thoughts, feelings, and emotions of a day. I call this the “Change Exchange,” and that thought is only worth a penny. Where do you put your investments and are they well taken care of? Do you trust those you invest in?

The majority of my investment is in this man, who for the sake of protecting the innocent, we will call Adam. Adam is a hard worker, a diamond in the rough for any authority figure, because Adam does what he is told. This incredible oppression as he sees it – makes it easy for him to denounce any other responsibility without a guilty conscience. You can’t tell him anything he doesn’t think he already knows, and he learns only by observation. He gives what he won’t take, and he’ll take anything he’s given – unless it comes off as charity or sympathy. But today is the day of his reckoning. Maybe he will realize that the world is his to have and to hold, and so am I. Before his motto might be ‘if there are no expectations, then there is no limit, and no room for failure,’ which has been his cradle. He will soon see the world with expediential possibilities, as I do. His imagination will no longer be something that he hides from and ignores.

What kind of demons will he cast out to achieve this perfection? On a small scale it looks like just a simple matter of emotional laziness. But the bigger picture indicates something vastly more inherent and overbearing in the way. A free spirit still chooses his or her burdens and chains. I believe he enjoys being careless and carefree. He merely needs to balance the uncanny idea that he is a kept man with the inevitability of it being the only path to true happiness. This is a road he definitely wants to walk, but will fear it until he actualizes its omnipotent possibilities, and sees it for what it is, rather than seeing it as a cage for which he is doomed to reside.

The “Cage” is not me. I “keep” no one.

All I know is I can’t run anymore. I’m not as young as I used to be, and if time is a manmade construct then I have allowed it to take me with it in years, not hours. At this hour I am contemplating the profligacy of my own humility. For where I am strong, I have been weak, where I am hard, I have been soft, and where I find my own reprieve, I’ve found a thirst for sympathy – instead of empathy. This is probably the flaw that Adam sees in me. I have, thusly, invested more in him than I have in myself. It is this brilliant attribute of loving without consequence that is my only downfall. I call it loving without consequence because it’s not completely selfless, the way I love. It is true that I find some gratification in what I give to others, and while it might be endearing, it’s not without consequence. “I don’t care what you do with me, just let me love you.”

I am happy being able to attempt to make him happy. I believe with my whole heart that one day the pieces will fall into place because that is the vision I’ve had for myself from the time I was a small child. And when I first saw him I knew, with every rudiment of my being that I wanted to love him for the rest of my life, and believe you me, I intend to.

However, on this day of my true loves reckoning, I will be silent. There is nothing in this world I fathom worthy enough for my complete devotion and it will be my sincere investment in him that sees him through.

Now, I’ve given you a whole jar of pennies. Do what you will, but invest wisely.Image